Day 4: My Siblings

"I don't believe an accident of birth makes people brothers or sisters. It makes them silbings, gives the a mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition that people have to work at."

- Maya Angelou

And, oh boy, did we have to work at it :)

I am the oldest of three children. There is me, Ben, and Tim. Growing up, we pestered,teased, screamed at, and tormented eachother. We were siblings...no doubt about it. Somewhere along the line though we grew up. Sibling rivalries turned into friendships. Suddenly my "little" brothers weren't so little anymore. They are two very different guys, but they are two pretty important guys to me and two great Uncles to Ian.

Tim

Tim is the baby and will be turning 21 in 12 days. Tim was born when I was 5 and already used to being an only child. I frequently asked mom to send him back. When those pleas were unanswered, I switched to teasing him unmercifully. He will quite often tell people about the summer he was 4 (and I was 9). Bowl cuts were in style at the time and mom had Tim sporting one. It made him look like a minature version of a member of the Beatles. So, I decided to tell him that he had been abandoned by a member of the band and adopted by our parents. I also told him that one day they were going to come back and get him and make him live in England. (Shameful I know....) Eventually I resigned myself to the fact that he was here to stay.

Even at a young age, our roles were a little reversed. I was older true...but he was the brother. He was the boy. That meant he had to protect me. I was a major chicken as a child. I didn't like to be away from my parents overnight. I hated scary movies. Even things that weren't scary struck fear in me. Not Tim...he was boy to the core and had no fear. We went away for a week with my grandparents and I was miserable. I was homesick and scared a lot of the trip. Tim (who was maybe 6) sat quietly while I tried to convince my grandparents that it was him who was homesick. They knew better (I was the one crying...not him) and had no sympathy. Tim stuck by me and tried to get me to laugh. He never made fun of me or ratted me out as a cry baby to mom. He just looked out for me. Same thing happened not long after when we watched ERNEST SCARED STUPID. Dang troll in the movie scared the crap out of me. So, I went to mom and dad and told them it scared Tim and that he wanted to sleep on the floor in my room. They asked him if he wanted to do that. He looked at me, smiled, and told them yes. He didn't tell them I was the baby. Instead, he slept on the floor infront of the closet doors to keep the troll from getting out. Our whole lives have been that way. Tim would never rat me out.

Like all siblings, we have had our differences. When I hit college and he was in late middleschool/early highschool, we really had nothing in common. We didn't hang out nor did we want to. I saw him when I was home for breaks and he would come see my new apartments when I moved. That was about all there was to it. Then he graduated highschool and got a job. He also started working on the same haunted house as me. I suddenly realized that my baby brother wasn't a baby...he was a guy. And he was pretty cool. We had similar taste in movies and music. He and Drew got along great and started hanging out a good bit. Next thing I knew, he was a confidant. I would call him before I called most of my girlfriends to tell him what was up. I found myself asking for his advice and, even though he was 5 years younger than me and at a different point in his life, I found that it was really good advice majority of the time.

Tim is living with us for a while right now. It's really cool to have a great friend/brother there all the time. He adores Ian and Ian adores him. They light up when they see eachother. For a guy who always said he never liked kids, he is pretty comfortable with Ian. I know that soon he is going to move out and get his own place. Its the way of things and it is getting near that time for him. I am so very proud of him and the things he is doing with his life. And I will be proud of him when he has his own place too. BUT- I think I will be just a little bit sad the time has come. I have liked living with my him now much more than when we were kids. And I think that's because now he is not only my brother...he is my friend.

Ben

Ben and I have always been the most different. Ben came to our family when he was 10 and I was almost 16. Our family adopted Ben from Texas. He and Tim clicked instantly. And while we understood and loved eachother because we were family, we didn't bond as quickly as he and Tim because of the age difference. I moved out 2 years after Ben moved in. I was ready to explore the world and leave my "boring" family behind. Eventually I realized that that boring family would be the people who were there for me through thick or thin. Ben was no exception to that. If I need him, he would be there. Like Tim, he bailed me out by helping at the haunted house on more than one instance and on no notice. For Ben and I, though, we were still working to find that bond.

The bond was solidified at Ben's graduation. I can give the specific moment when we had a small conversation. It would not have meant much to the outsider, but to us it spoke volumes. We knew that we had to work harder at being better friends. The sibling bond is there. He is my brother. It doesn't matter where he lived the first part of his life or when he came to live with us. He is just as much my brother as Tim. We just have to put aside our strong personalities and do some give and take. And that is exactly what we have done. We text and talk more now. He comes to dinner at least once a week, but the best insight you can get into Ben is the way he is with Ian. He is so proud to carry him around and show off his nephew. He makes sure that when we are all together we get pics of him with Ian so he can share them with his Facebook friends. He is truly an awesome uncle and a great brother. I couldn't be more blessed with the siblings I have.

Day 3: My Parents

I can say that I am truly blessed when it comes to parents. My mom and dad have been so supportive of me my whole life. They paid for countless hobbies to help me figure out what my interests truly where. Then, when they realized that I wasn't learning the value of things, they had me start paying for my own interests. It's amazing how much harder a child tries to learn to play clarinet when they buy the clarinet themselves.

My mom: I have never met a stronger woman. My biological father left my mother and I when I was only 6 weeks old. Through the divorce and re-establishing our new family of two, she never waivered. She did what she had to do to take care of us. She took a night job so that she could spend more time with me during the day and work while I was sleeping. She sacrificed tremendously for my betterment. That has never changed. My mother will NEVER put herself before any of her children. To this day we have to push her to spend money on herself. She is one of the most selfless people I know. Her Faith is amazingly deep. She trusts in God fully and has taught us to all do the same. Like every parent, she had to learn. To me though, if I can be 1/2 the mom she is, I will be doing great. She is my mommy, my friend, and the best Nonny Ian could every have.

My Dad: Notice I said my dad, not my stepdad. Even though the title stepdad is accurate technically, he is my DAD. It's not a matter of genetics. A dad isn't the person who helped create you biologically...a dad is the man that was there for you while growing up: who taught you to ride a bike, cleaned scraped knees, intimidated boyfriends, came to every piano recitial, every school play, and walked me down the aisle. For as long as my (step)dad has been in my life, he has been an amazing father. He stepped right up. I never felt for one second like I was a burden that he had to take on when he married my mom. He instantly loved me like his own and it showed. The way he treated my mom gave me a great example of what a husband should be like. Like every marriage, there were spats and icky days. I appreciate the fact that, though downplayed I am sure, they were never hidden from my brothers and me. They showed us that even though it won't always be sunshine and roses...it can always be happy. My dad is still an amazing role model. I am so proud to have him as Ian's PopPop.

Day 2: My Child

"Not flesh of my flesh or bone of my bone
Still you are miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute,

You didn't grown under my heart, but in it." - Anon.

There are no words to describe the amount of love I have for Ian. He is our first "born" and hopefully the first of many children that the Lord will bless us with. The journey to Ian was incredible. It strengthened us as a couple, it strengthened our Faith, and it taught me a bit more patience. Again, I should start at the beginning.

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome in highschool. I knew then (and was upfront with Drew when we met) that I may not be able to have children biologically. However it wasn't a fact I gave too much thought to until we started trying. Then, it was all I thought about. After trying for 2 years, we were unable to concieve. After much prayer and discussion, we decided to apply to adopt in December 2008. We were approved in April 2009. In May 2009, a friend of ours called us to say that she had met a young woman through her job as a social worker. This young woman was 5 months pregnent and had decided to put her baby up for adoption. She was having trouble finding a family. She asked if I would send our "Dear Birthmother" letter so that she could use it as an example. I did, without thinking much of it. 3 days later, I got a phone call from "K"- the young lady. She said she had read out letter and wanted to meet us. We talked for hours that night and most days for the next two weeks. We got to know eachother. I told her all about us. Finally, the day before Mother's Day 2009, we went to meet face to face. And that is when we "saw" Ian for the first time.

We met at Applebees in Conchord Mills. After talking for an hour about details and such, K told us that she had decided we were the family to adopt her son. Then, she slid an envelope across the table and said, "Meet you son." Instantly, Drew and I both had tears in our eyes. We opened the envelope and saw ultrasound photos. There, in a black and white blur, was our son. There was a profile shot of him sucking his thumb and I knew I was in love.

The next 4 months were spent talking, driving to Charlotte for visits, dealing with lawyers, and waiting. I had programmed K's ringtone in my phone as Dave Matthew's "American Baby". Starting in late August, anytime I heard the ring my heart skipped a few beats. September 15 started off like normal. Drew left for work around 545 am and I stayed in bed. I had just fallen asleep when "American Baby" echoed through our room. K was on the other end telling me to get up to Charlotte b/c she was going to the hospital. I jumped out of bed, called Drew, grabbed our bag (prepacked of course), called work, called Mom and Dad, called his mom and dad, called our housesitter. By the time Drew got home from work, I had our bags in my car, I was showered, dressed, and waiting in the driveway. He jumped in and we were off. We rushed up, met our friend AJ (who introduced us to K) who led us to the hospital. We saw K, who was only up for visitors for a bit. We sat down in the waiting room at 9am to begin our wait.

And boy did we wait. I paced a hole in that waiting room.. Around 845 pm, the docs and nurses were buzzing in and out of K's room. And we waited.....waited......waited...At 10pm a nurse came out to tell us that at 901pm Ian was born. Happy and healthy and huge! 9lbs 7 oz and 21.75 inches. She asked for me and placed a bracelet on my wrist. She said that K and I were the only two who could call for him from the nursery. Then she took us to a little room to wait to meet him before he was taken to the nursery. We waited, with our parents, in silence. And suddenly there he was. My beautiful baby boy. I knew then and there that I would love him forever. God had tied our hearts together and there was no doubt he was our son.

Since the moment he was placed in our arms, it has been a blur of love, smiles, tears (happy mostly), and adventure. Now our little man is one, walking, trying to talk, and exploring the world. He is the center of ours. Our little family is amazing. We wouldn't changed a thing...well, except maybe to expand to a family of 4. Maybe in 2011??

Day 1: My Husband

This is a great way for me to document the story of us to share later with our kids later.....SO---I guess I should start at the beginning. Drew and I met through a mutual friend, Justin, in Spring of 2002. Justin and I were co-directing a theatre company and Drew came with him to our staff meeting. It was far from love at first sight. Neither of us really made a positive impact on the other as we were on opposite ends of an issue that was being discussed about how to progress the company. I remember complaing to Justin that night that I wasn't a fan of his friend, Drew. Oh...how things change, since I am his number one fan now.

Fast forward to October 2002 and the opening of the first haunted event my theatre company ever worked: BloodMoon on the River.(Later know as just BloodMoon). Drew came out and worked the event with us. He ended up getting bitten by the bug that seemed to have gotten to all of us by this point. We loved design and performing our own art. We designed, directed, and staffed 3 of 7 scenes at BloodMoon in 2002. After the event wrapped up, we wrote 2 original plays to showcase and did a production of AGNES OF GOD. Drew was involved in all of them becoming our unofficial house manager. I don't really know how it happened looking back. I think he just came out to support all of us and got put to work the first night. The next night he came back and did the same job (plus some) without being asked. After a few performances, we just leaned on him being there. We hung out and chatted before and after the shows, but it wasn't anything beyond a friendly acquaintence. We were actually both seeing other people.

Blood Moon 2003 rolled around quickly. That year our group was incharge of designing, directing, and staffing the entire cast. Drew became one of our core people. He was there everynight, came early to set up, stayed late to clean up, and was always available to help on off days. By this time, we were both single....and I was starting to notice him. He was really funny. It was something I hadn't noticed at first because he can be so quiet and reserved. But spending 9 to 10 hours a day together weekend after weekend, I realized he had a really sarcastic sense of humor that I really dug. Just as we prepared for opening weekend, Drew as in a car accident. He was fine, but his truck was not. He was left without transportation. At the time he was living with his brother, Josh. So Josh would drop him off. I lived closer to him than any other staff member, so I would take him home. I think that's what did it. We had 30 minutes in the car to just talk. And since we were driving home at 2am, talking was imperative to staying awake. BloodMoon wrapped up and it was weird not seeing eachother all the time. So, we started texting and hanging out after work.

He helped me move into my first apartment in November. Since my roommates hadn't moved in yet, I was not happy about staying alone. He was awesome and crashed on my couch downstairs most nights until the roomies moved in later on. By December, we were hanging out every day and talking all the time. We had our first kiss at a New Year's Eve Party at 1200 Jan 1, 2004. We didn't talk about what it was really. We were seeing eachother, sure. Was it exclusive? Were we dating? It took us a month or so to figure it out. We were best friends...that much I knew. We did everything together. Grocery shopping, movies, etc. I helped him pick out clothes. He helped me clean my apartment. We would go to the laundry mat at the same time to do our laundry. That's exactly where we were on 2/16/04 when we became official. I was sitting in the chairs of the laundry matt, legs in his lap, reading, while he flipped through a magazine. Out of the blue he looks up at me and tells me that he thinks we should not see other people and just be us. See what happens. I couldn't agree more.

10 months later, he got down on one knee to ask me to marry him. (Which will be a post in itself). 11 months after that we were married. And since then, I have gotten to spend everyday, every night, and a whirlwind of memories with my best friend.

I have learned that life is up and down. There are highs and lows. There are calm times and their are rocking seas. Through everything that happens in life, Drew has been my constant. No matter how crazy, sad, happy, trying, easy, hard the situation is...Drew is there with me. Together, with our Faith in God and our love/friendship with eachother, we can overcome anything. I couldn't ask for a better manto share this life with. I have no doubt that God picked the best man for me. We balance eachother out. We can make eachother see reason when no one else can. He is my best friend, a terrific husband, and an amazing father. He makes me a better person and for that fact alone, I am eternally thankful.

30 Days of Reflection - Starter Post

It seems that each year after highschool has flown by faster and faster. Somehow leaving school changes the way you view your entire year. As a student, you live for Christmas break, spring break, summer vacation, and the little inservice days throughout the year. As you enter the working world (and no longer get 6 weeks off during the summer), the year seems to go by faster because there isn't much break from the day to day.

It doesn't seem odd that this would dawn on my in the fall - a time full of big events in our lives as a couple and family. September 15 is Ian's birthday. 14 days later, Sept 29, is Ian's birthday, and a mere 2 days later, October 1, is our anniversary. It is quite a sentimental time of year for us. So, I thought what better time to do a month of reflection. Each day I will do a post reflecting on a different topic. I found this through a friend. The original was much more geared towards teens, so I changed the topics some. :)

Day 1: My Spouse
Day 2: My Child(ren)
Day 3: My Parents
Day 4: My Sibling(s)
Day 5: My Best Friend
Day 6: My Best Childhood Memory
Day 7: My Best Teenage Memory
Day 8: My Best College Memory
Day 9: My 21st Birthday
Day 10: Our First Date
Day 11: Our Engagement
Day 12: Our Wedding Day
Day 13: Our Honeymoon
Day 14: Biggest Accomplishment (Besides Kids)
Day 15: Favorite Vacation
Day 16: My Faith
Day 17: My Friends
Day 18: My Past (2 big events that shaped me)
Day 19: My Present (where I am today)
Day 20: My Future (where I want to be)
Day 21: Favorite Song (Top 2)
Day 22: Favorite Movie (Top 2)
Day 23: Favorite Book (Top 2)
Day 24: Favorite Time of Year
Day 25: Favorite Holiday Tradition
Day 26: Biggest Regret
Day 27: Someone that changed your life (and may not even know it)
Day 28: Favorite Saying
Day 29: 10 Photos that Sum up your life before this year
Day 30: 10 Photos that Sum up your life for the last 12 months.

So, there you have it. Since tomorrow starts a new month, I am going to start this little project then. How appropriate that I get to talk about my spouse on our 5th wedding anniversary. :)

Overdue Update

Wow...it's been a while since I posted something. Things have been going so quickly it is crazy. Here's a quick run down:

Ian is now saying: Da-da, Mama, Key (kitty), Lu (one of our dogs), Im (Tim), Hey, Buh (bye).
He is standing up without holding on to anything.
He can take a few small steps, but generally would rather crawl .
He had his first haircut last Sunday (No more curls!)
He can now hold his sippy cup and prefers to do it himself.

Plans for his 1st birthday are well underway. We have decided to do a rubber ducky theme. Ian loves ducks and has since he was born. So, we have a ducky cake, blue/yellow/white table cloths-balloons-plates-silverware, his old ducky bathtub as a cooler, and a cute rubber ducky birthday banner. I am going to do chips and snacks in pails like you would have at the beach. We'll also have blue punch with ducks in it. It has been fun planning, but at the same time a bit sad. I can't believe how fast this first year has gone by. Already I have trouble remembering what our life was like before he was here. It just seems like my heart would have been so empty without him.

As his birthday gets closer, I am hit more and more each day with how blessed we are. Don't get me wrong, we have known since day one we were blessed. I think that in the hustle and bustle of having a newborn I often overlooked how blessed we are. Our adoption journey to Ian was amazingly simple and short. We took the classes in December, got approved in April, met Ian's birthmother in May, and Ian was born in September. Start to finish the process was exactly 9 months. God is SO amazing! He had Ian's life all mapped out and put everything exactly where it needed to be for Ian to make it to us. The thought of it gives me chills. I thank God everyday for Ian and for his birthmother.

That brings me to another thought.... I am in awe of Ian's birthmother to this day. At the age of 17, she made the most selfless and giving decision she could make as a mother- she chose to 1) Give her child life and 2)To give her child a better life. This is nothing short of heroic to me. She felt she couldn't offer Ian the life she wanted for him, so she worked hard to find people who could. Drew and I are humbled and thankful for her chosing us everyday. I hold a piece of her heart in my arms each day when I hold my son. It isn't something that I take lightly. Drew and I have always said that we will be upfront and honest with Ian about his adoption. We use the word all the time now because we don't want it to ever appear taboo to him. When the time comes, we will explain everything to him. We intend to tell him that this was the ultimate act of love on his birthmother's behalf. She put his life and happiness before hers in every choice she made. She has stayed firm in her convictions that this was the right thing to do and we stand firm in our agreement.

We do have an open adoption. Right now we send pictures two times a year, visit 2 times a year, and she can call us anytime. We allow her to send gifts and write him letters. I am saving all the letters she sends him in a scrap book. It's important that he have those one day. Our agreement is only valid until he turns 3. At that point we have to evaluate how it is effecting him. We get a lot of concern from family and friends that this is a bad plan. We are told we shouldn't have visits at all (even now) because it will only confuse him later. I couldnt disagree more. Surely it would be confusing to a child who doesn't know this life to be sat down one day and told, "We are not your biologicial parents...." Telling him from day 1 and exposing him makes this his normal. We always have, and will continue to, put Ian first, as does his birthmother. If we ever feel it is too much for him, we will change how we handle it. Until then, this is our life. And we love it.

Baby Filled Weekend

This weekend I got the privledge of co-hosting a baby shower for one of the best couples I know. Justin and Abi are expecting their second child in October. 2 years ago I was able to throw them a shower for their first son and it was a blast. We all decided then that we would be sure to throw showers for all of our future kids (instead of just hosting one for the first child). After all, even if you are having another child of the same gender there are things you need for each child (diapers, bath stuff, etc). So, instead of a shower, we had a sprinkle to restock their nursery.

When we through the shower 2 years ago, none of us had kids. They were the first couple in our little group to have a baby. Oh how things change in two years! At this shower there were ample babies and new ones on the way! We had Colby, Reese, Maggie, Lex, Sullie, Liana, Legree, and Ian. Plus we had three women with babies on board! Beth and I each brough a basket of toys from home for the kids to play with. We all had a great time talking and catching up while watching the kids play. Hard to believe that by the time we throw another shower there will be a whole new round of babies to play with. It was an awesome day and I came home ready to just relax....

Ian had other plans. He was WIDE open. He had missed afternoon naptime because of the shower and was catching a second wind. He was everywhere. When bed time finally hit, he was worn out. I sat him in my lap and sang to him. That's my favorite part of my day. Lately he has started facing me while I sing to him. He smiles and watches my lips move. Everynow and then he will reach out of touch my lips and giggle while I am singing. Then he will snuggle into my shoulder and play with my hair until I finish singing and lay him down. Usually he will stand up and watch me leave the room. Then he crys for a few minutes and says, "Dada....Dada". It really didn't mean he was calling Drew because he calls both of us Dada. Until last night....last night, he called out "Mama". I stopped and waited to see if I heard him right. Again, "Mama". I couldn't resist, I went right back in his room. He smiled and said, "Mama". I ended up singing him one more song and he laid down to sleep. Tonight when Drew put him to sleep, I peeked in to say goodnight. Drew told him to say Bye Bye Mama. Ian just smiled. I came back down the hall and Drew got Ian all settled and put to bed. Then I heard him tell Ian to say Bye Bye Mama again. And he did! He said "Buh Mama" :) It was so sweet. I have never heard sweeter words :)