The journey may not always be smooth, the path may not always be clear, but in every moment there is a memory waiting to be made. What we make of these moments is up to us.

Friday, August 5, 2011

This Journey We are On

I am officially and awful blogger.

It has been months since my last post. Life has sped by. Surely there have been a few speedbumps, but none of them so major that I even remember them now. I simply look back see my little baby boy becoming a toddler and our decision to expand our family.

That is like a fork in the road. Once you veer left, on the path to more kids, the road---no matter how long or bumpy, provides an amazing ride. Our road is a little different than most. In most people's journey to a child, God is in the driver seat with the mother to be riding shot gun. The father to be is in the back seat. He is there to open the door, put gas in, and do what he can to help, but there is a small amount of helplessness that comes with that position. In an OUR adoptions...God is in the driver seat and Drew and I are holding hands in the back seat. We do our best not to be back seat drivers. We try not to complain that the ride is too bumpy, that the destination is too far, or that the seats are uncomfortable. We signed up for this ride and we made an effort to be sure God was in the driver seat for our journey. But, how do you stay patient on a journey with no end date?

People ask us all the time how the adoption is going. I am so thankful that all of our friends are so interested. Each time I get asked thought, I feel guilty. I feel bad that I don't have any new news to share. The conversation ends quickly b/c with no new news there is nothing new to talk about. So, that pit stop over, Drew, Ian, and I continue on our journey.

The thing about being on a journey with no end is that somedays you don't even want to talk about it. You pretend that it isn't flitting in the back of your mind. Some days you don't even have to pretend, somedays you are SO busy with whats in your lap now that the journey doesn't cross your mind until you lay down at night and thank God you are on it. Then, there are days that it eats at you. You fight the urge to start kicking your feet against the seat in a toddler style trantrum while screaming, "Are we there yet? Why aren't we there yet?" Then, there is the average day. The day when you see or hear something and that baby that God is leading you to pops into your mind. You have this moment of longing. This moment of missing something that you have never had. It is an indescrible feeling of excitement, sadness, and anticipation.

I have stuggled to figure out how to put it in to words. Then, I heard TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN by The Civil Wars. I am so in love with them right now. Their music is just so natural and raw. Its refreshing. And this song touched my heart. are their words that I feel describe my heart right now. Obviously it was written about something different, but it is pretty close anyway.

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you are to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
The way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
How I do
I've missed you but I haven't met you
Oh how I miss you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently

So, dear baby of ours, I know that we will meet you in God's time. I know it will be perfect because His timing always is. Until then, I am praying for you, Daddy is praying for you, and your big brother, Ian, is learning all kinds of things to teach you. I hope you know that you are loved now, you are perfect, and we can't wait to meet you. ~Mommy

1 comment:

  1. That's right, you are a terrible blogger! But you make up for it with your moving, touching and very "real" blogs every couple of months! :)

    Dear Ian's little sister or brother: We love you already over here in the Lewis household, we can't wait to meet you and spoil you rotten! Love,Uncle Ben, Aunt Beth and Legree